MEN & MIDLIFE & THE GOODNESS OF DEATH
As an escort a lot of my clients are men between 40 and 60, sometimes married, sometimes not. Sometimes, not always, they mention midlife crisis. Sometimes, not always, they feel shame. For being selfish. For acting on a need, which by the way, more often than not is emotional first and foremost: Intimacy. Joy. Being seen.
When I was younger I associated the idea of midlife crisis with middle-aged men on motorcycles. Harley Davidson, no risk no fun, denim and leather, grey hair in the headwind. Maybe a hot new girlfriend. Maybe just a hot new outfit. That desperate attempt of holding on to the intensity of being alive. Youth slipping away, no, having slipped away, already years ago and without a goodbye. Fear of death? Fear of irrelevance? Maybe.
I strongly believe that there is no need to fear death if you know how to live.
And I believe midlife crisis tends to happen more to people who don’t know how to listen to their needs. Who trade passion for reason, magic for common sense and intuition for rules without thinking twice. Then fifty comes along and with that the realization that life won’t last forever and if you want to actually start living, better do it fast. And furiously. With desperate urgency they try to catch up on missed moments: buy that car, wear that outfit, get that girl. Make some noise!
Eyes are being rolled, midlife crisis is being mumbled, heads are being nodded. Midlife crisis, that condition, which like a silly little cold will pass again soon enough. A pitiful little detour from regularity. Just a temporary weakness of will, if you will.
But I think that that's wrong. I don't think a midlife crisis is a weakness. Is any crisis really?
I rather believe a midlife crisis is a moment in life where a person is thrown deep into themselves through the imminence of death and realizes for a short moment who they are also.
