&conversation on happyness
Question:
i admire your positivity. how are you always so happy?
Answer: i am not. but i know how to be most of the time and it’s not too hard.
Okay, here’s a secret. Whenever I meet a person who is beaming with joy and is always happy and positive I get suspicious. “What is your darkness?”, I ask myself, “how steep is your abyss?” Nobody is always happy and always positive. It’s not sustainable and it’s not healthy.
And here’s another secret: those who shine the brightest not seldom do so because there is great darkness to outshine. You can’t illuminate black with a fickle flame.
I know a lot of people love my positivity about me. And yes, I am almost radically positive, always striving for happiness and always putting a magnifying glass over the good and the beautiful. And while I definitely would not want to have it any other way (people who only ever see the negative are a huge drag if you ask me), I do struggle quite a bit with allowing “bad” emotions.
Radicalness is never a good thing, not even in happiness. Sadness, fear, sorrow, those emotions are necessary also and if we don’t feel them it only means they are buried somewhere too deep. Emotions always find a way to make themselves known however, they are smart that way. And if you don’t actively invite them and give them a hand they will show up in whichever way they want to and you may not like it. They are like that bad gang that wasn’t invited to the party. Oh they will show up.
Alright, so I am not good with those bad emotions. I am almost obsessed with positivity and it’s probably no coincidence. Might be a coping mechanism and part of how I do resilience. I have had my fair share of darkness and am no stranger to depression. I am well aware there is another side. But because of that I also know that there is always choice. You can chose which door to walk through and which door to keep closed, which side of the street to walk on, the one in the sun or the one in the shade. Ying yang, sun moon, day night, duality, blabla, you get the idea.
Maybe I simply have to be radical in my approach to happiness, because darkness is always lingering. I can’t afford to be sloppy.
And it works! You just gotta be extremely aware and conscious. After all life is short. Don’t let life live you but shape it as you want to experience it. And by that I don’t necessarily mean the reality (although that too) but even more so in your mind. And yes, it sounds like a bad insta meme but it’s true. It is our perspective that shapes our reality. As much as life’s events and experiences may be random and seemingly out of our control, how we think about these events and feel about them, in which light we place them - that is a choice we can make and that we have control over. And this is where we get to be deliberate and creative.
Almost everything is beautiful when you look at it with tenderness and curiosity. And almost every negative can be turned into a positive if you chose that that’s what you want to see and consciously search for it. Yes, you may call this naive. But I have lived this life long enough to know that it’s more fun living it naively happy than realistically miserable. And what is living life about after all? It’s a big question, and don’t worry, I find it stupid too. I never cared much about this whole meaning of life thing. I find searching for the meaning of life dumb and a waste of time. Life is for living, not for thinking about it. And there may actually be no meaning besides exactly that. But I think a basic meaning of life thing everyone can agree on is that it’s to have a reasonably good time. To enjoy existing. Whatever that means for each individual. And if that means wearing rose tinted glasses every now and then to make ugly truths and little prettier, hell, why not?
There’s something else about consciously taking different perspectives and shedding different coloured light on things. The new perspective begins to shape reality. If you put on rose tinted glasses and see positive sides of negative realities that shapes reality into an actually more positive one. Because what you give energy and attention to grows. Sounds like yet another Insta quote, I know, but again, it’s true. You can practice it. It’s a bit like a muscle and if I wasn’t so lazy I’d jump onto google now and research the scientific explanation behind the chemical stuff that actually happens in the brain when you give positive thoughts more room than negative thoughts. Maybe you can do that research for me and get back to me.
Okay, so how do you change perspective? How do you find positivity in seemingly negative realities?
Two things. There is this parable called The Story of the Chinese Farmer, if you don’t know it yet, check out this two minute Alan Watts recording of it here (just ignore the woo-woo music).
Secondly, imagine your reality or respective situation visually, 3D, like in a computer game. And then don’t just look at it frontally, one dimensionally but walk around it. Walk all the way around and look at it from all sides and angles. Get onto your toes, get a ladder, look down on it. Go onto the floor and look at it from frog eye perspective. Take in lots of different positions. Like anything, it (your situation, experience, whatever) will look very different depending on the angle and consequently expose different qualities.
Every situation, every reality, every person, every experience is multi dimensional. Every seemingly positive reality has a negative to it and vice versa. The tale of the sudden lottery win, which ended up making the winner miserable is a classic example. Likewise, for every negative character trait one can find examples where this trait is useful. And every positive character trait can be a huge pain the ass in certain situations.
Okay, so to answer your question: how are you always so positive? I am not. But I am most of the time because I consciously decide to be. If this doesn’t (yet) come naturally to you, here’s what you do: take a few steps back. See the reality as multi dimensional and look at it from all different angles. Find the angle that is most flattering and zoom in on that. There you go. That’s basically it.
Of course, don’t ignore the negative angles, and don’t worry, you won’t be. You are aware of them because you still see and feel multi-dimensional. You just no longer zoom in on those angles. You chose your perspective and what to put under the magnifying glass and that will shape your reality. Because how we process and view reality ultimately is reality. It’s that simple.
Once you understand that you will find that life is not that tricky after all but actually quite fun. There’s really no big secret to enjoying it and being happy. Just choose the right perspective.
- Sofia
And now, The WeAther Report
How I'm feeling:
pretty fucking amazing. Full of energy and optimism after days on a sunny island, a first dose of Pfizer in my veins and a lifted lockdown.
What I am reading:
Sex and Lies by Leila Slimani
And Crudo by Olivia Laing, although I put it on hold till the sun is back. I started reading it poolside while getting burned tanned and refuse to read it in less than summery conditions. It’s that kind of book. I’m mildly obsessed with it and every single sentence needs to be devoured with bright sunlight and rosé.
What I am watching:
Halston on Netflix. I love it although it makes me very New York City homesick.
What I am looking forward to:
this project. Finally visiting London when restrictions are eased. Doing my first in-studio dance class since seven months.
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